Baby Update – don’t freak out, I am not pregnant

A couple of weeks ago I posted on mine and Paul’s infertility issues. Today I just wanted to give you an update on our progress.

In the last post I told you how Paul has Azoospermia, which means there are no detectable sperm in the semen, but that he was going to undergo a biopsy to see if there are any sperm being produced that could be harvestable for use in IVF. Due to a conflict with his training schedule he had to opt to reschedule his biopsy and is working on getting it scheduled for May. He is also working on getting his PKR (Army equivalent of Lasik) in May too so it is looking like it will be a fun month for both of us- him no sight and severe ball pain and me having to take care of him. 🙂

Paul and I have also been discussing possible alternatives if we are unable to go the IVF route. It looks like if this does not work out for us we would end up going with private adoption. I have been doing a lot of research and with some help from my friends I have been able to talk to people first hand and get their feedback on agencies and the processes and their experiences. We have decided on the agency we would use if it comes down to that and are very excited about this choice.

Friends of mine from high school, he is also in the Army like Paul, used this agency and they strongly recommended it. It is also the same agency that came recommended when another friend of my inquired about adoption on the bump website. This agency seems like the perfect fit for us because we can stay with them regardless of what state we live in which was a big concern for us since we could still be waiting to adopt when our next Army move rolls around.

Also, another selling point to this agency is that they opened my eyes to all of the grants available for people trying to adopt and thankfully we would qualify for them financially. They are not grants through this agency but the agency shares links to other non-profits offering grants. I will definitely be applying to as many of these as I possibly can.   It’s amazing how many organizations exist which are geared to helping families through this process.

This weekend was a little rough for me having spent two days surrounded by kids. On Friday, we went over to another married couple’s house for dinner. They have two sons; one is three and the other is six months. I spent the evening playing the Wii with the three-year old who demonstrated that I really am that bad at Mario Kart by kicking my butt. J, the father, said to Paul that I shouldn’t feel obligated to entertain their son and Paul said that I didn’t feel obligated, that I just really loved kids and proceeded to tell him about our fertility issues. 

For me, it is hard enough to deal with the emotional side effects of our problems but it is even harder to hear them being discussed. Not saying that we should keep this issue to ourselves, just it makes me so sad to hear the words spoken out loud. I think it is because when I hear him talk about it I can hear the fear in his voice, the uncertainty, that we might never have a family of our own. We both try to stay optimistic but sometimes that is easier said than done.   

Saturday was spent babysitting our favorite little girl, M. She is ten months old and is very playful and affectionate and babysitting her is always so much fun. It was a beautiful day outside so we took M and her dog Lexa out back and sat on a blanket and played. It was amazing to watch her stack her toys and play with her finger puppets and dance to the music playing on Paul’s iPod. She is so funny; she loves music and dances to almost anything, including commercials. Her parents have brought her to Spurs basketball and Rampage hockey games with us and she just bobs up and down to the music they play at the games, it’s super cute! Between her happy and humorous personality and all the little baby hugs and kisses, I left there feeling like my biological clock was in overdrive.

I know that our time to be parents will come but some days I just get so impatient. We have been trying off and on for over 6 years so it is hard to accept that it will be a few more years before we can have a family of our own, especially when almost every person we hang out with has kids. For now, I will just work on being the best “Aunt” (quotes because Paul and I are both have no sibling so we will never be biological Aunts or Uncles) I can be.

Thanks for reading!


March 15, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Infertility.


  1. jamesandjax replied:

    Reading this post tugs at my heart and makes me feel helpless. Yes, your time to be parents WILL come. And you will be such amazing parents! But I can understand your impatience. I am SO happy that you found a great agency. That sounds so promising, especially given there are grants you’re eligible for. Let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help you & Paul.

    You’re an awesome Aunt–no quotes–to Jax, even from afar. Which reminds me…Face Time soon?

    Let me know when Paul’s biopsy is so I can send him (I really mean you) a care package! Is it legal for me to ship a huge bottle of wine across state lines?

    • Dacia replied:

      I will let you know as soon as Paul schedules the biopsy. This week has been crazy for him, might post about it tomorrow or Friday.

      I think it is illegal to send wine but I won’t tell 😉

      Definitely face time soon. I should be home tomorrow night and then throughout the weekend- let’s see if we can squeeze some FT in then. Love you!

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