I’m a Human Not a Robot

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”- Plato

Before I head into my rant about the shitty morning I had (I feel much better now and this post won’t be me complaining the whole time I swear) I thought I should start off with an awesome quote my friend Jaemie shared this morning in regards to the incident I am about to tell you. Isn’t it awesome? Definitely something to always keep in mind and I know returning back to it will give me some perspective.

Let me just set the tone for this story. My morning started off at 410am when my alarm woke me from a bad dream. Ugh, I hate bad dreams especially because when I wake from them I am usually in a bad mood.

I proceeded to get cleaned up and ready for the gym. I came out to the kitchen to make my green monster and realized that the blender was dirty, my travel mug was dirty, and my lunch bag was sitting on the counter filled with empty dirty Tupperware. Crap! I forgot to make my lunch. At this point I had to decide what I should do; make my lunch or go to the gym because I didn’t have time to do both. I opted for the gym. So I cleaned the blender and made my smoothie, cleaned the mug, packed a quick snack and headed off to the gym.

Once I was settled in at the gym about 20 minutes into my planned 45 minute ride on the bike I realized I forgot to pack my recovery drink. On days when I get up early and have my smoothie at 430a I like to drink the recovery drink after my workouts so I am not starving hours before lunch. I was frustrated I forgot it but I knew I would be fine with the snacks I had. Oh, well.

After I finished up my bike ride I headed into the sauna. This is my favorite thing to do at the gym is relax in the sauna for 10-15 minutes before I shower and go to work. Sadly, the sauna was not on so I sat in there for about 10 minutes just waiting for it to heat up. At this point I tweeted something along the lines of “today is off to a rough start; no lunch, no recovery drink and a cold sauna. These things are just a sign that today can only get better.” Little did I know….

As the sauna finally started to warm I was trying to decide whether or not I should stay in longer or go home to get some recovery drink. Since I LOVE the sauna I opted to stay. A few minutes later I was joined by a woman I see at the gym when I go in before work. She sits next to me, why I don’t know- it’s a huge sauna and I was the only one in it- and started talking to me about allergies. I had my ear buds in and so I pulled one out and responded to her allergy question. This question lead to the following comment and conversation, which is what triggered this post, which I will do my best to retell. *words in parenthesis represent my thoughts

HER: When’s the big day?

ME: blank stare. I don’t know what you are talking about. (I’m thinking she has mistaken me for someone else, maybe someone who is engaged and she is asking about a wedding date)

HER: You’re pregnant, right? When are you due?

ME: (Ouch!) Um, nope. I’m’ not pregnant

HER: Oh, I’m sorry. Now I feel bad

ME: it’s ok (no, it’s not as I fight back tears)

HER: I just see pregnant women in here and I worry about the baby

ME: Nod. Put my ear bud back in (they probably weren’t pregnant, just fat like me. Try not to cry, try not to cry, just sit here for a few more minutes, and try not to cry)

I left in tears. I go to the bathroom, crying. I get into the shower and start sobbing now that I had the sound of the shower to drown out my lovely crying noises.

Then I began to calm myself down. I wish I could have recorded all the thoughts going through my head at the time. I want to share with you everything that was running through my mind but sadly I don’t have a waterproof recorder, or any recorder for that matter, with me. As soon as I got to work I wrote down as many thoughts as I could remember (in one of my nifty journals) and hopefully you can understand what was going through my mind.

First thought: I’ve lost over 100 pounds and I am still fat and now I am being mistaken as pregnant. Well that effing sucks. Yes, I know I’m not thin but man that was so hurtful. Who asks someone that? I must look a lot worse than I think. Why hasn’t anyone told me? I’m disgusting, Sobbing continues.

Then I think back to when I was in Houston with my pregnant co-worker and we went to the Galleria so she could shop for maternity clothes. We would walk in to a store and the employees would look from me, to her, to me again, back to her until I said- “she’s pregnant, not me.” That didn’t upset me, so why was this?

Then I thought about my body and how I have always carried most of my extra weight in my stomach. I am currently 31 pounds overweight and I think most of that excess is in my belly area. Some people carry their extra weight in their thighs, some carry it in their bum, I carry mine in my stomach and it has always been that way. Even when I was at a healthy weight I always had a belly and when I get there again I probably will too. I will probably never have a flat stomach without having skin removal surgery but you know what? I don’t care. As I have lost weight I recognized that my belly was getting smaller but so was everything else so still my belly is pretty large in proportion to the rest of my body and I am ok with that. I love my body. It is my oldest and best friend.

And as I started to feel better I thought about how a year ago this would have destroyed me. I would have gone into a downward shame cycle and went into hiding. I probably would have stayed home from work, crawled into bed and had a pity party that included me eating myself into a food coma. I would have let this woman’s comment negate everything I had worked for. I would have made it my excuse for giving up. I would have let her ruin me. But not today. Today I have control of my life. I don’t let my emotions spiral, unnecessarily, out of control. Yes, it hurt. No, I do not think it was a nice thing to ask someone but I also don’t think it was intentional. I wasn’t about to let her ruin my fabulous weekend. I had a life I had to get back to and this had already wasted more of my energy than I would like to admit. If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is.

I am not mad at her either. I won’t punch her in the face or give her dirty looks the next time I see her like I joked about earlier today. Really she was just looking out for the safety of my unborn child that was possibly being cooked inside my body while I sat in the sauna. I guess I can appreciate that.

Thanks for reading!

Oh, and a warning to the next person who asks if I am pregnant – I will punch you in the face. I take boxing classes so you better watch what you say! 😉

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December 30, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Life, Weight Loss.

16 Comments

  1. Jana Anthoine (@jana0926) replied:

    Fantastic post! You’re doing amazing and you have the best attitude about it. I’ve recently lost 12 pounds and my husband’s aunt asked me at the Christmas party (as she patted my stomach) if there was some news I needed to share! I brushed it off and just told her “no, just fat.”

    I’m sorry you had to have that situation but you handled it great and what you took from it is even more awesome!

    • Dacia replied:

      Apparently this is a pretty common occurrence as you are the third person today to share their ‘mistaken as pregnant’ story. I would never ask. Why do people think it’s ok to say stuff like that?

      I’m sorry you had to go through this too.

  2. the RA Vegan replied:

    Oh my sweet friend, I’m so sorry you had to endure this. I don’t think people generally mean to be hurtful but often they don’t think about the consequences of their actions. YOU are doing the most amazing things for YOU and YOUR body and the people YOU love. This woman doesn’t matter to you. I’m so proud of you for for giving her comment the power to destroy you.

    • Dacia replied:

      Thank you! I was pretty proud of myself too. It was a harsh comment but it showed me how far I’ve come. Thank you for your kind words. ❤

  3. Shrinking Carrie replied:

    I NEVER ask someone if they are pregnant!!! I carry a lot of my weight in my stomach area as well, but I can’t recall a time when someone asked me if I was pregnant. I do remember a time when I was in the sauna as a child with my two extreme skinny friends and an older lady told me that she was the fat one out of her friends too. I laughed it off, but obviously it is something that I have had in the back of my mind for probably 22 years? Some people just don’t think before they talk, but we can’t jump to rock bottom either.
    You handled the situation in a healthy way, but it doesn’t make it any easier! I hope the rest of your day is better, and I’m sorry that you had to have that experience!

    • Dacia replied:

      Sometimes people just don’t recognize the power their words can have. Although I didn’t let her words destroy me I know that when I think back on it I will feel the pain those words inflicted. If nothing else I have learned a better understanding that words are very powerful.

  4. yerttle replied:

    Point me at her. I’ll do a lot more than punch her insensitive, uncouth face.

    Sadly, we can’t wear out accomplishments on our foreheads or like ribbons on a uniform. If we could, though?! well…that lady would see what the rest of us already know: that you are inspiring, beautiful, shrinking, and still larger than life. ❤

    Seriously. I'll kick her butt for you. I gotcherback.

    • Dacia replied:

      Thank you!!! I know you’ve got my back! I truly appreciate your kind words and support- always!!! ❤

  5. towardshealthylife replied:

    What an awefull day ! I had days like this when bad things kept happening to me and I remember that anything would make me cry so if I would have had someone tell me that I looked pregnant it would have been the end of the world. lol. I am like you ,I always had a belly even as a kid when I wasn’t fat and even at 17 when I was at my lowest weight because I just had a mononucleosis, I still had the belly. You have lost so much weight it’s incredible! I am just at the start of my journey and will be following you 🙂

    • Dacia replied:

      I think the best thing I’ve learned on this journey is I need to love myself as is, no matter what weight. If I didn’t then that situation would have been very different. Thank you for being here! I appreciate your support!

  6. Simply Sidney replied:

    Nice folks know that is NOT a question you ask, many women carry extra weigt in their belly (me included!). Enough about sad sauna lady, I want to write about you!!

    “Today I have control of my life.”

    You are simply amazing!! My roundests parts have always been my butt and my belly. Today they are smaller, but they are still obviously big, oh well, that’s not why we are on this joureny anyways. I’ve seen the pictures, you are a beautiful woman and I’m so proud of you and I can see through your writting that you are proud of your accomplishments too and that just makes you even more beautiful!!

    • Dacia replied:

      Thank you!!! You and I are so much alike it’s crazy! I’m glad to have a friend like you to share my journey with and having you share yours makes it so much better! Here’s to our health! ❤

  7. kitchentutor replied:

    Oh good grief! Who asks that without knowing for sure!?!? I’m so sorry your morning culminated with that comment. I would have thought I was on some cruel hidden camera show! But yes!! the wonderful part of this story is that you have come so far and you didn’t allow this moment to dictate your day. That’s a great quote, going to borrow that one 😉 Keep up the good work!!

    • Dacia replied:

      Thanks! I was wondering the same thing myself. I also get asked all the time some variation of ‘why don’t you have kids?’ which is another question that should be taboo.

  8. kitchentutor replied:

    Oh, and if it ever happens again I say you return the question on the asker, “and when are YOU due?? Ha!

    • Dacia replied:

      Ha ha! I will definitely keep that in mind!

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