{Semi} Wordless Wednesday: Pictures from my Phone

A true friend is someone who will walk with you even when it is 100+ degrees at 9 pm. This is what we saw along our walk on the river.

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By far the coolest Gerber Daisies I have ever seen.

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The outside of Boehler’s which was featured in my post a few weeks ago where I showed the inside and how crooked it is.

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Did your dogs go to a WNBA game this weekend? Mine did!

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My August!

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Thanks for reading!

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August 31, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , . Life, San Antonio. 2 comments.

Weight Watchers Weekly Update

Well, I did it. I survived my first Tuesday afternoon workplace weigh-in although I did not come out unscathed. Before I get to that I should tell you about my weigh in on Saturday morning. I went to my normal meeting location on Saturday because I had to get my WW information card (so my new location has my weight loss history) and I decided to weigh in while I was there. I am happy to report I was down two pounds, bringing my weight to 226.8 pounds, weight loss on WW to 53.2 and my total overall weight loss to 59.2 pounds. Yes! Happy dance! Oh, and I am now only 2.8 pounds away from reaching my 20% milestone. I cannot believe I am so close to having lost 20% of my starting body weight. Actually, that happened last week when I weighed in at 228.8; which is exactly 80% of my starting weight of 286. However, what I am referring to is hitting my 20% goal from my starting Weight Watchers weight- confusing right? I know. It confuses me all the time. Now it’s about to get worse because now I have a starting weight from my at work meetings that will be the point from which my target weights are calculated. For example, to receive 50% reimbursement of my WW fees from my company I have to lose 5% of my starting weight- my weight from yesterday’s meeting. For the sake of my personal sanity, I am not going to think of this as another new weight. Instead I will treat it as what it is – my current WW weight- and just keep in the back of my mind what I need to lose to hit that 5%.

11.6 pounds. That’s what I have to lose over the next 17 weeks in order to get 50% reimbursement. I think that is totally manageable but who knows, holiday season will quickly be upon us. My willpower has not yet been tested against the things I crave the most during the holidays; cookies. Oh my, the never-ending stream of cookies. That’s how I feel about the holidays. It’s like an all you can eat buffet of cookies (and other things too) and I am not sure how well I will be able to hold up. I will try my best to practice restraint though instead of depriving myself. Deprivation will lead to an all out free for all cookie bonanza so I have to make sure to allow myself to indulge while practicing moderation. Any who, sorry for my cookie rambling. Where was I? Yes, my weigh in yesterday. Ugh! It was pretty damaging. I woke up yesterday, stepped on the scale, 226 pounds. A few minutes later I was dressed in my work clothes, stepped on the scale 229.6. Yikes! I knew right then that my weight in the afternoon was going to be high. By 12p I had already eaten breakfast and a snack (no matter what that scale may say – I am not waiting 7 hours to eat, I refuse to starve myself for that scale) and had already drank almost 3L of water so I wasn’t shocked when I stepped on and weighed in at 231 pounds. No I wasn’t surprised but it still sucks being back in the 230’s, having to spend the next few week re-losing weight I have already lost, seeing a +4.2 on my weight tracker (the most I had gained to this point was 0.8), and knowing that every Tuesday at 12p I will be weighing in 5 pounds heavier than I really am. Blerg! Oh, well. I need to get over myself and move on, right? It’s only five pounds. But damn it if all I can’t keep thinking is they are five pounds I busted my butt to lose. Those five ‘fake’ pounds will be my nemesis. I need to really push myself this week because I need to get back to the 220’s especially since I am now 7 pounds away from my 20% instead of 2.8 pounds away L Sorry, I don’t mean to vent and complain. I know in a few days that gain will not be a concern but today it is still resonating with me. I just needed to let it all out so I can clear my head and move on.

Did you know that tomorrow is September 1st? Can you believe it? Where did the summer go? It is Labor Day weekend already! Of course, it is still in the 100’s here with no sign of summer leaving us anytime soon but still summer is ending and hockey season is right around the corner. Crazy! September 1st also means that tomorrow I will weigh in (at home as I did on August 1st) and see if I met my goal of losing ten pounds in the month of August. When I initially set up my goals I had set only planned for the monthly goal of losing ten pounds to last for the first six months. I thought that after six months my weight loss would have slowed (because I would weigh less) and so I didn’t think 10 pounds would be a realistic goal past that point. Well, it has been six months and so now I need to come up with a new monthly goal. What do you think I should do? Should I leave it at 10 pounds for the next few months or maybe lower it to 8 pounds or should I not have a weight loss related monthly goal at all? I would love to hear what you think so please feel free to comment away! Also, make sure to check back in a few days to see if I reached my goal this month and look for new monthly measurements to be posted!

Before I end this post I want to share something with you, something that happened to me yesterday that really opened my eyes to how much I have progressed over the past six months both mentally and physically. Yesterday was one of those crap days where nothing seemed to be going right. I had an awful night’s sleep; at one point around midnight I woke up out of dead sleep freaking the eff out that I overslept – that was no fun, I woke up three other times throughout the night- twice to pee and the other was at 4am to let the dogs out. I ended up getting an hour ‘nap’ in before getting up at 520a for work. Of course I woke up exhausted, was scatter brained trying to get ready for work, left the house late, work was filled with meetings and angry employees (our local paper published our salaries online, by employee name nonetheless, so everyone now knows what everyone else makes- can you say tension?) and then an awful +4.2 at my weigh in. It was just one of those days where I just felt like crap and wanted to go home, put on my PJs, sit on the couch watching TV and eating junk food. Instead I forced myself to go to Pilates. My normal Tuesday is Pilates and Nia classes back to back but I wasn’t feeling like doing both. Luckily I was able to talk myself into going to at least one or I would have ended up on that couch. Do you know what happened about 20 minutes into Pilates? At that point I knew I would stay for Nia and all the crap and blahness I felt was gone. By the time I left the Synergy Studio after my Pilates and Nia classes I felt fabulous. I felt alive, awakened, refreshed and so happy I didn’t jip myself out of those experiences. This made me stop and wonder what I did before I had this outlet, this way to get myself out of a funk. Then I realized that I did nothing. Old me would have gone home and vegged in front of the TV mindlessly snacking away. The old me would have still felt miserable and then continued to feel miserable every day after. I know this is true because this is how I felt for a very long time. Now I have a way to get rid of those feelings and it is great. Yes, working out does make you happy- it’s true. I may not be able to work away serious feelings (no, I don’t think working out will make you happy if you just found out your mom has cancer) but it definitely helps alleviate a normal bad day case of the blahs. I am happy to have finally learned this. Knowing I will feel great afterwards is the push I need some days to get my butt in gear. Heck, just thinking of this- about working out and feeling great, about how many things I am able to do now that I couldn’t do 6 months ago- makes me not really care about those 4.2 pounds. Yes friends, sometimes I still have a hard time remembering that I am so much more that number on the scale. If nothing else, I hope you feel that way too.

Thanks for reading!

August 31, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , . Weight Watchers. 8 comments.

I need your help!

I have an idea and I need your help to execute it. I decided the other day that I wanted to do a vlog (video blog) but I wasn’t really sure what I should talk about. Knowing how I talk, if I go into this without a game plan, you would end up seeing ten minutes of nonsensical babble. Trust me; you don’t want to see that. I think it would be best if I had specific topics to talk about so I am asking for your help. I think it would be fun for me this vlog was dedicated to answering questions submitted by you. It would help give me things to talk about and at the same time, hopefully, make it interesting for you to watch. If you would like to ask me a question or have a topic you would want me to talk about leave me a comment or you can email, tweet, Facebook, or text me your question- whatever is easiest for you. I will compile the list Friday and will record it hopefully Saturday afternoon. Feel free to ask whatever you want- I will answer pretty much any question within reason. I am very excited about this and hopefully you are too!

Thanks for reading! Now get to work! 🙂

August 29, 2011. Tags: , , , . Blogging. 15 comments.

The opposite of thought-provoking

Here are some random thoughts I have had in my head the past few days that I wanted to share. I jotted down (well, texted myself) some notes so I wouldn’t forget 🙂

* The Synergy Studio is offering Journey Dance Module 1: 5-Day Intensive Teacher Training in January. I am going to do it. I have already told Paul that it is what I want for my Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary present (which all happen in the same 2 week span) and he said ok. Originally I wanted an iPad but when I found out that this would be happening here in San Antonio and would be taught by Toni Bergins, the creator of Journey Dance, herself I knew I couldn’t pass it up. Not only will I get to spend five days with some of the most wonderful people learning more about Journey Dance I will also be granted a provisional license upon course completion that will allow me to teach Journey Dance classes. This is a big deal for me because I know it is only a matter of time before we leave San Antonio and more than likely we will end up somewhere that isn’t in or near a city. I may end up relocating to the sticks, to the middle of nowhere, and what will I do when I can’t find someplace like Synergy nearby? If I can’t find a studio that offers Journey Dance classes for me to take maybe I could teach some myself. I could teach at a yoga studio or at the Army post gym or even a YMCA but at least I will be able to still enjoy Journey Dance and possibly even introduce it to others who have never experienced it before. I look at this class as an investment into my future happiness.

Synergy is also offering Nia White Belt training five times next year and if I can afford it (it is three times as expensive as the Journey Dance seminar) then I will do that as well. The white belt allows you to teach too so again I have to think of it as an investment. It would be great if in a few years I could turn doing something I love, something that brings me such happiness, into a part-time career. Although this has nothing to do with teaching I wanted to tell you that I signed up for a yoga seminar that runs for five weeks, two hours every Saturday, starting Saturday 9/3. It is an introduction to yoga class taught by the Synergy yoga instructors and although I have been practicing yoga for months I feel it is important that I expand my knowledge base. I am not sure how strong of a foundation I have when it comes to the basics of different poses and techniques since I kind of just threw myself into yoga. I know I could definitely learn a lot from a course like this. I am very excited to start that next week and will definitely let you know how it goes.

*My IRL BFF JH ( James & Jax) told me that I needed to go to BlogHer12. It will be in NYC next year and because she lives close by she would be attending. I, of course, said yes. Then I asked Paul and thankfully he said yes, too. JH and I have been discussing logistics and planning ever since they announced the location and dates a few weeks ago. Yeah, we’ve been going a little crazy for an event that isn’t happening until August 2-4 2012 but we are both so excited we can’t help ourselves. Then today to add to the BlogHer12 chaos Hilton Hotels (where the conference is being held) put out a discount code, ‘BLOG’ in case you hadn’t heard, which knocked 100 dollars off their rate so we had no choice but to book our room. There was no way I was missing out on the chance to save 300 bucks! Now that the room is booked I just need to buy the actual BlogHer12 tickets. I am going to try and do this in the next week because they are currently offering 20% off the early bird rate through August which brings the price to a very reasonable $158 for the two-day event. While JH and I were texting about the hotel and the tickets this morning I came up with an idea for a new goal. I would like to be at my goal weight by the time I go to BlogHer. That means I need to lose 79 pounds in 11.5 months. It’s a plausible and realistic goal which I am going to work like gangbusters towards meeting it. We are 49 weeks out (exactly) so that means I need to lose 1.61 pounds per week on average to meet that goal. I know it will get harder to lose as much as fast as I get lighter but I think I can get there. Wish me luck!

Are you going to BlogHer? If so, I hope we can meet! I know I am still pretty small-time when it comes to the blogging community but I am still looking forward to spending the weekend with some amazing female bloggers and getting to learn some tricks of the trade. I am not necessarily going there looking to grow my blog, honestly I have no idea how bloggers who get hundreds of comments per post keep up with it, but I would like to improve my writing ability and learn how to create posts that are worthwhile and helpful to others reading. Regardless of the outcome I know it will be the experience of a lifetime and am thankful to get to spend it with my best friend.

*When my Dad was in the hospital after complications following his neck surgery Paul and I ended up going back to NJ to be by his side. Being that neither of us is from Texas we have no family here that could help take care of our dogs while we were gone. We reached out to our former dog walker (from when we lived in the apartment) knowing she would love to spend some time with the girls but sadly she was on her way back home to France because her father had passed away. So we turned to my friend MS- my first SA friend- in hopes that she would be able to take care of them. She kindly agreed to come and stay in our home in order to make sure the dogs were out and fed and taken care of. It was a lot to ask of someone, especially someone who is not a pet owner, and we sprung it on her with one day’s notice. Oh, and did I mention that we had lived there for four days, there were still unpacked boxes everywhere, and no food/drink to be found. Yeah, she was a saint- she never complained once. So, I just wanted to take a minute to give her a long overdue THANK YOU. Paul and I really appreciate you taking care of things while we were gone. You rock! We totally owe you one! Woo, Woo, Woo -Arsenio Hall style!

*Do you remember when Paul fell in the bathtub, hurt his ribs, and then didn’t go to the doctor to have them checked out? Well it happened again. Not the fall but the injured ribs. He was in combatives practice (kind of like wrestling mixed with MMA) and he landed awkwardly after someone threw him. He ended up in the ER the next day because the pain was too much for him to tolerate. They took some x-rays, told him it was a contusion (why they can’t say bruise is beyond me), gave him some pain meds, put him on profile (exercise restrictions) and sent him on his way. That was Sunday. Today he went to the doctor because he was still in tons of pain. The doctor reviewed his previous x-ray and told him he thought there were signs of a fractured rib but that it had healed, probably from the first fall. They sent him for more x-rays and sure enough he actually has a broken rib- not fully healed- more than likely from this recent injury. This sucks for multiple reasons. One, it’s obviously really painful. Two, he is now on a two month profile which will restrict what he can do training wise. It will definitely make it harder for him to continue his marathon training. Three and this may be the worst part- he cannot compete in the Soldier of the Quarter competition next week. Combatives is a part of the competition (why he was training in the first place) and since he cannot participate in that event he is not allowed to compete at all. This is really bad news for Paul because he missed the last one while he was off at training and now he will miss this one, the last one of the year. Poor guy. He can’t seem to catch a break these days.

In other Paul news, he and the other guys that tend to hang out at our house finished the first keg in the kegorator in like three weeks. Geez, that was fast. I think we were all hoping it would last a little longer. Oh, well. What can I say, they like beer. Tonight Paul and one of his friends are going to get another one and just in time since Paul will need a beer or three after the week has been having.

*Starting next Tuesday I will be joining in Weight Watchers program offered where I work. This may not seem like a big deal to most but for me it was a decision I went back and forth on for quite some time. I am nervous about changing my weigh in day to Tuesday (at lunchtime nonetheless) from Saturday mornings. I know what I weigh on Tuesdays and what I weigh on Saturdays and usually I am heavier on Tuesdays. Also, weighing in at lunch time means I will be weighing in wearing my work clothes after having eaten breakfast opposed to my normal routine of weighing in on an empty stomach. But I know it is the best thing to do for me. Doing WW at work means there is a possibility of partial reimbursement from my employer by meeting certain goals, it means Saturday mornings open to do whatever I want, it will help me save of gas money not having to drive out to the meeting location, and possibly creating a bond with some of my co-workers as we work through our journey together. So once I got over my fear of seeing a huge gain on that scale come Tuesday, as well as being reassured that I wouldn’t lose my WW history I had built up for five months, it was an easy decision to make. Plus, it will only be bad that first weigh in and then after that it will be back to business as usual. Keep an eye out for my Weight Watchers updates as they will now be posted on Tuesdays or Wednesdays.

*Do you use Klout? I am somewhat obsessed with it. Not because it is awesome- it really doesn’t do anything but measure your social media influence- but because they give you free stuff. I have yet to receive any of the said free stuff but I am growing obsessed with trying to. My friend JH told me I should join (do you see the pattern yet? She’s turned me on to so many things; blogging, Twitter, BlogHer, Klout, etc.) and so I did. She has Klout and because of it she received a year’s supply of clinical strength deodorant. Not that I am in desperate need of clinical strength deodorant (actually JH gave me some when I saw her a few weeks ago) but I am hoping that anything I receive, that I can’t use myself, I can in-turn donate it to the USO to go into care packages for deployed soldiers. This is now my new goal- trying to get free stuff. I think my friend KG would approve! 🙂 If you want to help me try to get some free stuff via Klout friend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter- @dacialee33.

Thanks for reading!

August 25, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Life. 10 comments.

{Semi} Wordless Wednesday

It’s so dry in San Antonio or grass looks like hay. It feels like it too!

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On Saturday we had friends over for a barbecue. Our lab Maggie had a friendly visitor.

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***no babies or puppies were harmed during these events***

I got my 50 pound star!!! FYI- that goal
weight of 224 is a short term goal; it’s my 20% weight loss. It is not my overall goal weight.

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This was my Word Press app for a few hours this morning. I had no idea how to fix it. Luckily it fixed itself.

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Some great photos/images posted on Facebook.

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Thanks for reading!

August 24, 2011. Tags: , , , . Life, wordless wednesday. 2 comments.

{Semi} Wordless Wednesday

It’s so dry in San Antonio or grass looks like hay. It feels like it too!

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On Saturday we had friends over for a barbecue. Our lab Maggie had a friendly visitor.

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20110824-103226.jpg

***no babies or puppies were harmed during these events***

I got my 50 pound star!!! FYI- that goal
weight of 224 is a short term goal; it’s my 20% weight loss. It is not my overall goal weight.

20110824-103625.jpg

This was my Word Press app for a few hours this morning. I had no idea how to fix it. Luckily it fixed itself.

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20110824-103750.jpg

Some great photos/images posted on Facebook.

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Thanks for reading!

August 24, 2011. Tags: , , , . Life, wordless wednesday. 5 comments.

Weight Watchers Update

I am glad to report that this week’s weigh-in went extremely well. I lost 4.2 pounds bringing my total lost on Weight Watchers up to 51.2 pounds. I was very excited to have hit my 50 pound milestone and I cannot believe it has happened in less than five months since I joined WW. Another exciting thing that happened was that I weighed in at 228.8. I am in the 220’s! I can’t believe, I am on pace to set a personal monthly weight loss record. Just three weeks ago (7/30) I weighed in at 239 and was ecstatic to be in the 230’s and here I am today, in the 220’s. Crazy! It makes me happy knowing that I can realistically be below 200 pounds by 2012, which is a goal of mine.

280/228.8/150

Although I had another great week on the scales there were some areas I struggled with. There are definitely still things I need to improve/change because it is not all about the scale. One thing was my workout schedule. I switched up the days I take classes and I found that taking the combo boxing/boot camp class followed by poi spinning is a really bad idea. The arm workout at boxing/boot camp was so intense that I had a hard time holding my arms over my head for an extended period of time at poi spinning, which is kind of a necessity. I should have realized from previous week’s that if I want to take a boxing class on the same night as anything else I need to do boxing second or else I will be too physically exhausted to enjoy anything else. So it’s back to the drawing boards again this week trying to find a schedule that works better.

I also had a difficult time meditating nightly. I think I meditated 3 out of 7 nights so there is definitely room for improvement. I like meditating before bed because it allows me to turn off my mind and prepare for sleep. On the nights where I meditate I have peaceful, sound sleep. On the nights I don’t I have nightmares about a sniper wearing night vision goggles trying to shoot me down as I run through my grandparent’s house. Hmmm…can you see why it is important for me to try for 7/7 nights of meditation?

Another thing I really need to work on is my weekend diet. This has less to do with how it impacts the scale as it does with how it makes me feel. Now I am all for having fun on the weekends and allowing myself to enjoy eating out or having BBQ or whatever but I need to be better at listening to my body’s cues when doing so. During the week I keep pretty busy, my food choices are pretty much planned out, and this is a good thing for me. It helps me stay consistent in my diet/exercise routine. When the weekend hits things tend to happen more spontaneously and because I don’t want to limit myself from activities ( I don’t want to live in hiding, I need to learn how to control myself under any circumstance) I find myself in situations where I may not have control over what food options are available for me. I will admit I have gotten pretty good at finding the balance between eating smaller amounts of ‘splurge’ foods mixed with larger amounts of healthy choices though I do still have my bad days. Like Saturday. We had friends over for a barbeque. I ate a cheeseburger, a hot dog, two servings of pasta salad, a small serving of black bean salad, a small serving of cucumber salad and fresh fruit for dessert. Did I need two servings of pasta salad? Nope. How about a burger and a hot dog? Not at all. What happened? I was hungry. I let myself get to the point where I was a five on the hunger scale (ravenous) and what ended up happening was me overeating big time. Sometimes this happens on the weekends though, you get caught up doing one thing or the other and next thing you know you are starving and you eat too much.

Although I can’t plan out every single activity that may happen I can plan to make sure I am snacking throughout the day, like I do during the week, so that I don’t get to the point where I want to eat everything in sight. I also need to work on my water intake during the weekends as well. Between bad eating choices and not staying hydrated I end up feeling exhausted and lazy by the time Sunday evening rolls around. Not a good thing. This means I end up on the couch watching TV instead of taking care of household chores or getting in other activities. So next weekend I am going to try and pay closer attention to both my water intake and my hunger cues or else I will risk sabotaging all the good choices I make during the week.

Thanks for reading!

August 22, 2011. Tags: , , , , , . Weight Loss, Weight Watchers. 4 comments.

Three Little Words

First I would like to let you all know that today my father is being discharged from the hospital he has called home for three weeks. They are moving him into a rehab center and based off his progress so far they are thinking he will be there 1-2 months. He still is having problems swallowing so no eating for him. It is driving him crazy, especially since there are 9 million food ads on TV. Poor guy. Other than that he is progressing well. He is walking around and he actually had to have someone in his room 24 hours a day because they thought he would try to flee the hospital. For those of you who know my Dad, you know he totally would have. I am curious how the rehab center is going to keep him on lockdown. So if you live in South Jersey keep your eyes peeled for a gray-haired man, with a pony tail (lol, hippies), wandering down the street in a hospital gown and/or hooked to IVs. Thanks!

In yesterday’s post I wrote about three words that best described the last three months of my life. Since I am nosey 😉 I in turn I asked my readers if they would leave me a comment with their three words. This morning, while reading through the comments, I decided I wanted to use your words as a post. I even took to hounding my friends via texts and Twitter for their three words. Here are the responses:

Challenge Effort Growth

La Vida Loca

Really Really Tired (one year old twins- Yeah, I KNOW you are tired)

Something Is Emerging

Research Run Read

Busy Happy Change

I Am Second

Hopeful Lonely Anticipatory

Exciting Disappointing Achievement

Sweaty Box-a-wine-a-licious Busy

Tired Satisfied Growing

Rejuvenated Positive Sexy

Exciting Uncertain Exhausting

Hectic Terrifying Crossroads

You guys are great; I love the honesty and openness in your words. Do you see a theme here? I noticed a lot of tired and busy people and a mix of happy and sad words. Definitely an accurate picture of what life is really like. It’s not always good, it’s not always bad, it’s just life. I loved all of your words but there was one comment in particular that touched my heart. This was an email from someone very close to me.

“My three words would be: out of control.

I love yours. I want your three words.

Since graduation I was relaxing and vacationing….but that’s what led to my current weight gain….which settling back into my life has made me upset and down on myself. Which I do not want to do but also can’t help. Sometimes feeling disgusted with myself that my clothes look bad or my face is chunky you know. Trying to be more positive now though. I hope in the next three months it is I love me!”

I hope so. I hope in three months you can say you love yourself too. All of you. Even though in three months there will still be; “busy, tired, crazy, and disappointing,” I hope that in that mix there is some self-love going on, too.

Last night in Qigong my instructor was talking about one of his favorite quotes, from Pascal: ‘the heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.’ He told us that the reason he liked it so much was because it explains how we can love ourselves and still be our harshest critic. He is exactly right. Self-love isn’t the same thing as ignorance. I love me but I am completely aware of my flaws and yes, I still scrutinize my body and appearance almost daily. It’s just when I do so now I do it in a healthy manner. Looking at my features in a positive light or taking the things I do want to change about myself and create a plan to do so. I am still a critic, just not quite so harsh. Maybe that is something we all need to do, go easy on ourselves. We are so much better, stronger, prettier, smarter, wiser than we ever give ourselves credit for.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I can still love the person I am and I can be happy with where I have come from and where I am going. Maybe the best three words to describe me would be work in progress; that is truly what I am and will be hopefully for the rest of my life. It’s not a bad thing, it’s the exact opposite- it is a sign of my growth and willingness to continually seek improvement. Six months ago my three words would have been completely effing stagnant- I’ll take progression, hands down, over stagnation any day! 🙂

Thanks for reading!

August 19, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Life, thought-provoking thursday. 7 comments.

Thought-Provoking Thursday

Questions courtesy of Marc and Angel Hack Life

What personal prisons have you built out of fears?

Being obese really messed with my head. Over the last few years I found it harder being around new people or being in public settings alone, really any situation where I thought people would be judging me. I had such anxiety whenever I knew I would be around strangers it made it hard to force myself to go out. I thought they would look at me and not want to be around me because I was fat or worse I thought that people would make fun of me around Paul and then he would be embarrassed to be married to such a disgusting person. It was hard and even though I still managed to be somewhat social it was always a psychological battle for me just leaving the house. I had let these (mostly irrational) fears keep me imprisoned in my mind. I couldn’t relax or be myself; I was trapped inside my mind focusing only on how I thought others viewed me.

It’s still hard for me to meet new people or be around strangers but every time I start to get anxious I quickly force myself to let it go. I mean seriously, if someone is judging me based off my weight, if they are disgusted by me, then they aren’t someone I would want to be around in the first place. A wise man once said,*”be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” and I couldn’t agree more.

*Dr. Suess

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?

I really would like to live abroad. I would settle for a life where I at least traveled more but it’s not the same. I want to be able to assimilate myself into a new culture, a new lifestyle. I don’t want to be a tourist, I would much rather be an ex-pat.

Why are you, you?

Short answer: a combination of nurture and nature has made me this person

Long answer: I am me because of everything that has happened and everyone I have known leading up to this point today. Being raised by hippies has given me a passive, non-violent temperament. Growing up surrounded by loud, talkative Italians has transformed me into a loud, talkative Italian. Living in/near a large city as a child has exposed me to many different cultures and lifestyles which showed me acceptance and understanding. Having failed many times has taught me to fight for my successes. Having the most wonderful, supportive, kind-hearted friends has made me supportive and kind in turn. Having dogs who love me unconditionally have taught me to love unconditionally. Having a husband that is also my best friend has taught me the importance of love, strength, compromise, respect, friendship and fun in relationships.

If you haven’t achieved it yet what do you have to lose?

I read this quote today and it immediately made me think of this question.

“People are afraid to pursue their dreams because they feel that they don’t deserve them.” – Paulo Coelho

The only thing we have to lose is that voice inside our head telling us we can’t.

What three words would you use to describe the last three months of your life?

I love me.

In my Nia class Tuesday our routine was called ‘Birthday’ and it was focused around the gifts that Nia gives us. These gifts are personal and we were asked to think about them as we danced. The gift Nia has given me is self-love. It was something I was lacking and it was greatly impacting my life. I never cared enough about myself to take care of myself properly. I don’t think I deserved to be more than what I was. Now I see things differently, I can have whatever life I want and be whomever I want as long as I commit my time and energy to getting there. I am worth the effort though, that is something I never understood before.

Although I would love hearing your responses it is probably inconsiderate to ask you to leave me your answers to the above questions. Maybe for fun you can leave me a comment with the three words to best describe the last three months of your life.

Thanks for reading!

August 18, 2011. Tags: , , , , , . thought-provoking thursday. 9 comments.

{Semi} Wordless Wednesday

Fresh flowers are one my favorite things!

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The back of Synergy Studio. I love the beer can on top!

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Boehler’s Bar – the neon lighting gave off a cool, orange glow. This building is really crooked- see the window frame (crooked) vs the door frame (straight)

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At the Blue Star Brewing Company with Paul

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Happy Dogs!

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Our Pecan tree

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Thanks for reading!

August 17, 2011. Tags: , , , . San Antonio, wordless wednesday. 6 comments.

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